Parents on the Sidelines: How Families Can Support Athletes Without Adding Pressure
The world of youth and collegiate sports is a big commitment. The early morning practices, the weekend-long tournaments, the big wins, and the hard losses. As a parent, you are navigating all of it right alongside your child.
You are their biggest fan. You invest so much time, money, and emotional energy into their journey. You just want them to be happy, healthy, and successful.
But in this high pressure world, there is a fine line. Our deep desire to help can sometimes feel like a heavy expectation. So how do we stay on their team, cheering from the sidelines, without accidentally adding to the pressure?
It starts with shifting our focus from performance to connection.
“You are their biggest fan. You invest so much time, money, and emotional energy into their journey. You just want them to be happy, healthy, and successful.”
The Difference Between Support and Pressure
No parent wakes up in the morning and decides to add pressure to their child’s life. It almost always comes from a place of deep care.
Pressure often happens when an athlete’s self worth gets tangled up with their performance. Support, on the other hand, is unconditional. It’s the message that our love and pride are not dependent on the final score.
Pressure is the "constructive criticism" on the car ride home. Support is asking, "That looked like a tough game. How are you feeling?" and being okay with silence if they don't want to talk.
When an athlete’s worth feels tied only to winning, their mental health can suffer. They can forget they are a whole person outside of the uniform. Our most important job as parents is to protect that wholeness.
Four Ways to Be a Supportive Sideline
This work is simple, but it is not always easy. It requires us to be mindful of our own hopes and fears. Here are a few ways to show support that actually feels supportive to your athlete, grounded in advice from sports psychologists and coaches.
Redefine the Car Ride Home. Many athletes say the car ride home is the most stressful part of a game. They have just finished an intense experience and may be looking to decompress, not analyze. The Positive Coach Alliance notes this is often not the best time to talk. Try letting them put on their music or just sit in silence. Let them know you just love watching them play.
Focus on Effort, Not Just the Outcome. The scoreboard will tell them if they won or lost. They do not need us to. What they do need is for us to see their work. Instead of critiquing a mistake, praise their effort. Try saying, “I noticed you really hustled in that second half” or "I was so impressed with how you supported your teammate."
Let Them Own Their Journey. It is their journey, not ours. The Association for Applied Sport Psychology reminds parents not to relive their own youth through their children. Our job is to be a resource, not the director. Ask curious questions like, "What are your goals for this season?" or "What do you need from me to feel supported?" This builds their self reliance and trust.
Honor Their Whole Identity. Your child is more than an athlete. Ask about their friends, their classes, or the music they’re listening to. When an athlete's entire identity gets wrapped up in their sport, it makes them vulnerable to unhealthy perfectionism and anxiety. Show them you are interested in all of them, not just the part that competes.
“Redefine the Car Ride Home. Many athletes say the car ride home is the most stressful part of a game. They have just finished an intense experience and may be looking to decompress, not analyze.”
When to Look for Extra Support
Even with the best support system, the pressure of sports, academics, and social life can be a lot. High achievers are often very good at hiding when they are struggling.
According to health experts at Johns Hopkins, you might notice some changes if the pressure is becoming too much.
They seem unusually irritable, anxious, or "checked out."
They avoid talking about the sport or seem to dread practice.
Small mistakes or a "bad game" feel like a total personal failure.
They complain about physical pains like headaches or stomachaches.
They have changes in their sleeping or eating habits.
They have lost the joy they used to have for the game.
These are not signs of failure. They are signs that your child is human and carrying a heavy load. They do not have to carry it alone.
Your Athlete Is a Person First
Your athlete’s longest career will be as a person, not a player. Giving them a foundation of unconditional support is the greatest gift.
“Your athlete’s longest career will be as a person, not a player. Giving them a foundation of unconditional support is the greatest gift.”
It is okay if this feels complicated. Therapy can be a powerful, confidential space for athletes to explore these pressures. It helps them build self trust and find their voice, both in and out of the game.
As a psychotherapist who specializes in supporting athletes and their families, Sasha Diamond-Lenow specializes in helping teens and young adults navigate the intersection of mental health and performance.
If you feel your family could use a space to talk, Supportive Directions is here. Reach out to learn more about our services.
References
Association for Applied Sport Psychology. (n.d.). Do's and don'ts for parents of young athletes. https://appliedsportpsych.org/resources/resources-for-parents/dos-and-donts-for-parents-of-young-athletes/
Hurley, K. (n.d.). 12 tips for talking to your teen athlete about their mental health. Positive Coaching Alliance. https://positivecoach.org/resource-zone/12-tips-for-talking-to-your-teen-athlete-about-their-mental-health/
Johns Hopkins Medicine. (n.d.). Student athlete mental health: Tips for parents and coaches. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/student-athlete-mental-health
